Most people have a fear of disappointing others, only the trickiest situation of all (in my opinion) is when we disappoint ourselves.

Disappointing yourself can make you question your ambitions, your self-worth, and your abilities. It can brand you feel both queasy and uneasy, like being stuck at the peak of a roller coaster or eating that leftover sushi you definitely should have thrown out days ago.

Perhaps it'southward because only we know our true potential—and not living up to it invites unpleasant emotions like shame and fear and guilt to the political party. Or, maybe information technology'south considering we know we're the only ones who tin can free ourselves from the sinking feeling—and it's a daunting task.

Disappointing yourself tin make you question your ambitions, your self-worth, and your abilities.
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The good news: In that location'southward a tool that tin help united states of america when nosotros're clinging to disappointment. It'due south chosen self-compassion.

Research shows that "people who have higher levels of self-pity tend to handle stress ameliorate—they have less of a concrete stress response when they are stuck in traffic, have an argument with their spouse, or don't get that chore offering—and they spend less fourth dimension reactivating stressful events by abode on them," writes Carrie Dennett in The Washington Mail service.

Hither'south how to pick upwardly and move out of "I've allow myself down" country after disappointing yourself.

1. Accept What Happened

It's office of grief, a part of life, and yes, a office of disappointment. The commencement pace to getting over your self-shame is to simply accept what went incorrect. Fugitive or glossing over it won't help yous move on.

The showtime step to getting over your self-shame is to simply take what went incorrect.
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If you need a good long cry, go for it. (Been there.) If you lot want to wallow for a few hours, y'all're entitled. (Been in that location, as well.) But then it's fourth dimension to brush yourself off and declare exactly where things went off the track.

Simply saying out loud to yourself, "I'm disappointed because I didn't run into the goal I set for myself," might make you lot meet that this big issue really isn't the overwhelming monster you believe it to be—it'south really a series of events that you tin learn from.

2. Treat Yourself Like a Friend—Not a Frenemy

Information technology'due south easy to judge yourself in these situations, simply let's accept ane or ii steps back and find a new perspective. If your friend came to you with the aforementioned issue—she was disappointed in herself for not having a stellar quarterly review, or bombing her open up-mic night—what would you say to her?

Probably not, "I'm so disappointed in y'all. You can do ameliorate."

Rather, you lot'd be supportive and kind and listen to exactly what went wrong. Treating yourself and your disappointment like a close friend can help ease the arraign and assist you lot practice more self-compassion.

3. Recognize Your Big Expectations

Disappointment is directly tied to the expectations nosotros identify on ourselves. It'southward a tale as one-time as fourth dimension—y'all tin even trace it back to your babyhood.


I'thousand going to sell 1,000 boxes of Girl Lookout man cookies today!
I'm going to win the Spelling Bee!
I'chiliad going to take outset place in the 400-meter dash!

It'south non that high expectations are a bad thing—by all means, reach for the stars! Sell the cookies! Ask for the definition to that substantive! Run until your lungs burn!

But making sure you're prepared is an important way to protect yourself from futurity thwarting. Consider whether your expectations were aligned with how ready yous felt for that moment.

iv. Distract Yourself (in a Salubrious Manner)

If you're feeling disappointed, it'southward merely natural to want to attain for something to cheer you upwards. Howdy, full weekends binge-watching Killing Eve. At that place'southward aught wrong with either of these tactics, but when you engage in them mindlessly to soothe your nerves or a troubled mind, it can often only lead to a negative feedback loop.

Experiencing the world around yous will make y'all call up that this, in fact, isn't the end of the world.
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Instead, distract yourself by treating yourself to something different. Carve out an actress hour to fissure open that book y'all've been dying to read, or call an old friend and catch up, or go for a walk to the nearby botanic garden.

Do something that stimulates your mind. Experiencing the world around you will make you recall that this, in fact, isn't the end of the world.

v. Ask Yourself the Correct Questions

There are so many lessons to learn from major and pocket-sized failures or picayune blips of disappointment. The first major lesson? You know what not to exercise adjacent fourth dimension. When you've passed the "acceptance" stage, showtime to effigy out where things went wrong by asking yourself the following questions:

●︎ Did you requite yourself enough time?

●︎ Did you lot practise the necessary prep work?

●︎ Did you set articulate boundaries?

●︎ Did you lot ask for help?

Digging in to these questions will expose whatsoever of the flaws in your plan. Instead of proverb, "Oh well, I gauge it didn't work out the way I wanted to," or chirapsia yourself up, you'll exist armed with knowledge and be able to pivot.

6. Accommodate for Next Time (and the Time Subsequently That)

This oft-quoted argument might requite you some comfort: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a unlike result." But see, at present you're not going to practice the same thing over and over again! Yous've learned from this disappointing experience!

Request the correct questions and agreement where your plans went off the rails is crucial to plotting your next large try.

Instead of vaguely proverb, "I'll do better next time," find the next similar deadline or outcome on your agenda correct now. (Go on, we'll expect!) Then ask yourself, "Am I fully prepared for this?" Chances are, you lot tin can use what you learned to dig a little deeper, research a little more, or ask for help if you need it.

7. Realize This Is All Merely Because Yous Care

Ah, yes, the most important lesson of all: The thing nearly being disappointed is that information technology reveals what you actually care almost. You wouldn't be feeling so upset if you weren't invested in the outcome, and that in itself is a corking thing. Disappointment tin can human activity like a radar organization, pinpointing exactly where you are—and where you want to be.

The matter about being disappointed is that it reveals what you actually care virtually.
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While yous might experience like shying away from it if things aren't turning out your fashion, listen to your instincts. Y'all're disappointed because you intendance, and that passion is what will continue yous moving forward.

When you lot have the time to learn from your thwarting, you'll be more prepared than always before the next time that presentation or conversation or dance boxing comes up.

Thwarting, you've been warned.

Read next: These 4 Questions Volition Assist You Forgive Yourself